Tag Archives: parents

Can I be myself?

1 Jun

Hello everyone! A depressing post today so I’d thought I’d warn you ahead of time.

I’ve just gotten an earful from my mom basically stating that having interests (makeup and blogging) are completely useless and are not worth investing time and money in it. This argument/lecture began because of some makeup items I recieved in the mail (haul coming soon). Just brings me to a point where I just question (once again) why I am alive.

I know that I have a bad relationship with my parents especially my mom where they don’t want to get close nor will try being close. I don’t think it’s my fault nor their’s it’s just that there isn’t enough effort put behind getting to know one another. 

But when one or the other comes to criticize me for being who I am, doing things I like or even try to offer me advice when I ‘supposedly’ screwed up my life it always ends up in my ears sounding like they are blaming me for being a person who has hobbies.

I understand that it is to be for the betterment of my life but how they word it isn’t all that great it’s extremely toxic. It also brings up the point of why can’t I show my true self? Why can’t I just be whoever I want to be?

And a lightbulb goes on…

I don’t have to let them stop me from being who I am or expressing who I am it’s just myself who is preventing me to become who I want to be. But I’ll admit it’s hard just trying to express yourself when your whole life you’ve been told not to express yourself.

I want to be someone I can be proud of and I hope someday my parents will understand but for now I am erecting a very high wall to protect myself from their malicious words.

20 things before 20

18 May

Hello everyone! So I have a 20 things before 20 list which is a list I compiled of 20 things to do before I turn 20 this September (19 to be specific). I have some time before my birthday so this list is to help me go through things that I would never do if I didn’t have a timeline. So here is my list:

1. Finish my embroidery project.

2. Read Watchmen.

3. Buy an iPad 2… enough said

4. Go to Animethon 18 which is on Aug 5-7 this year. I will be planning to go for only one day I don’t think I can get off work that easily.

5. Finish Wa-loli Kuro outfit. I started this project 3 years ago and have never finished it better late then never right?

6. Obtain a mushroom farm… kinda like this:

7. Pay mum & dad $100 from my first paycheck as well as my brother $100 (cuz I owe him for all the lunches he’s treated me to) and for my little sister $40 (she complains that she doesn’t have money all the time). Hopefully this one will be soon. ^-^

8. Get a library card… since I’m an adult I have to go get my own library card but I’ve just been lazy to go get one… I will get one though.

9. Start Youtube videos… something I’ve been wanting to do since last year but never had courage or time to make videos and put it up. I will do it for sure!!

10. Determine birthday present wishlist. I know that the iPad is on this list for a reason…

11. Determine 2 year financial plan. Since I plan to go to Japan in the upcoming 2 years I have to plan to make sure that I have enough money while travelling and such. Thus this plan… it’s going to take a lot of brain power that’s why I keep putting it aside.

12. Stay a neat freak… yeah this photo really shows how much I need to stay a neat freak.

13. Continue to study Japanese and Chinese. This one I won’t be doing anytime soon until school starts in September. I will be attending a Sat language class in Sept.

14. Try out a different martial arts even if it’s just one class I would like to try something different. Perhaps kung fu?

15. Attemp yoga/pilates. I would really like to try this but I don’t have much money to spend it on a class (financial plan) so I will learn from a book/video from the library (need library card) or Youtube is a great resource as well.

16. Try food from Sbarro, Thai Express, and Taco Bell. I just want to get out of my usual going to McDonalds or Subway to eat. I never try different foods so here are three places great to try out my taste palette.

See full size image

17. Go to a spa. I have never gone to a beauty salon so I would really like to go to one. Perhaps from Eveline Charles.

18. Go on a staycation. I am planning with my brother and sister that we should go to the car museum in Wetaskiwin and possibly the Aviation museum in Alberta. But other things for a staycation is attending Capital X (summer amusement park) and Heritage festival (showcasing different cultures from different countries) as well as Animethon of course.

19. Play Spyro: Ripto’s Rage (PS) and finish Pokemon SoulSilver (DS). I have not finished these games and would really like to for sure.

20. Attempt to make curry flavoured popcorn. I heard about the elusive curry flavoured popcorn and since there is not a big chance to come across curry flavoured popcorn I might as well make it myself.

I will be updating every time I finish an item on the list and there is no set order to complete the list as long as the list is completely finished before I turn 20.

A way of Parenting: Insults

15 May

As the title suggests this is another parent post… yeah I got parent issues but putting that aside.

My parents specifically my mother who insults me to try and ‘teach’ me what is right and what is wrong. I question is the insulting necessary in making your point? To which I would answer no.

Insult comes from (and I quote from dictionary.com) to affect as an affront; offend or demean.

During these conversation what usually happens is that she is grinding and questioning me on why ain’t I studying or what not and what I do during the time that I am not studying. To her there is no such thing as playtime there is only time to study. I think I have a right of playing my DS or watching Youtube videos over the weekend during school days or doing whatever I want not relating to studying over the summer break.

With the main topic I think most parents would love to see their children study a lot but I feel like they need a break and my parents do not give me that break that I need to recharge myself to get started on studying again. Insults that come up from these ‘lectures’ are things like my current weight (oh you gained some weight go study), my skin’s condition (your skin looks horrible and I’m sure you’re like that inside as well so go study), and sometimes it would lead to how I’m not the child that they wanted (i shouldn’t have given birth to you if I knew you were like this so go study).

If you were going to lecture me why do you have to hurt my feelings in the process?

Helicoptor Parents

3 May

Ever heard that term? Just basically means over-protective parents and I’m sure lots of people have experienced them. Though I am no expert in this area I definately know that I have a VERY over-protective mom, my dad is also protective but he’s lenient (which is good… hooray!).

I feel like this type of issue has to come out as I am having those types of troubles at home and there is technically no one that I can talk to except the internet.

Either way, my story is that the karate group that I am affiliated with is hosting 5 Japanese guests who are great karate masters and I’m translating for them as I know Japanese. I am told that they are going to the shooting range to shoot guns at targets so I have to go because we don’t want our guests to shoot themselves. I tell my parents and my mom is totally against it mainly because it consists of the fact that I am a girl and that I’m going to go to a shooting range…

Back in the day when my brother started going to a Junior High school I felt like my parents abandoned me just to support my brother. Because of my brother who had to go to a far away high school my parents enrolled me in a new school. Not knowing anyone there, I was scared but my parents said that it would be okay… to be honest it was not okay. I was bullied but I didn’t let anyone know because I felt that if my parents knew they would yell at me for being a weak child and I felt like I had no allies to help me along the way. To forget that people were bullying me I got myself involved in many different things; patrol, office monitor, and the most important was karate.

For me, even though karate was hard the best part was not just doing well in it but knowing that I could leave everything at the door. Nothing could bother me for the two hour long class and because of that class I could totally forget all the bad things that were happening to me.

I basically owe most of my life to karate because it has shaped me into the person I am today by meeting all those wonderful people who helped me along the way. But the fact that my mother does not accept that I should affiliate any further with the club is ridiculous! Because she and my father was so concerned about my brother she forgets me and she does not see that she was NOT a good role model for me. Thus for me karate is very important and to ban me from helping out and contributing to the club that’s like banning me from going on the internet. Utterly impossible.

I’ve grown up a lot since those bullying days and it has made me a stronger person but words will still be able to hurt me. The saying that ‘Stick and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me’ is utterly untrue. Words hurt and once they are spoken they can never be taken back.

But seriously, does she have a point in being extremely protective of me going to a gun range just to translate for our guests? (I am NOT I repeat NOT touching a gun) If she didn’t care about me back then, why should she care now?

Here’s a link of a website article that I read through to help me after the hour long criticism speech from my mom. (Criticism speeches always make me question myself and makes me feel like dirt… not a fun feeling)