Can I be myself?

1 Jun

Hello everyone! A depressing post today so I’d thought I’d warn you ahead of time.

I’ve just gotten an earful from my mom basically stating that having interests (makeup and blogging) are completely useless and are not worth investing time and money in it. This argument/lecture began because of some makeup items I recieved in the mail (haul coming soon). Just brings me to a point where I just question (once again) why I am alive.

I know that I have a bad relationship with my parents especially my mom where they don’t want to get close nor will try being close. I don’t think it’s my fault nor their’s it’s just that there isn’t enough effort put behind getting to know one another. 

But when one or the other comes to criticize me for being who I am, doing things I like or even try to offer me advice when I ‘supposedly’ screwed up my life it always ends up in my ears sounding like they are blaming me for being a person who has hobbies.

I understand that it is to be for the betterment of my life but how they word it isn’t all that great it’s extremely toxic. It also brings up the point of why can’t I show my true self? Why can’t I just be whoever I want to be?

And a lightbulb goes on…

I don’t have to let them stop me from being who I am or expressing who I am it’s just myself who is preventing me to become who I want to be. But I’ll admit it’s hard just trying to express yourself when your whole life you’ve been told not to express yourself.

I want to be someone I can be proud of and I hope someday my parents will understand but for now I am erecting a very high wall to protect myself from their malicious words.

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